(Please bare with me, I am somewhat rambling on. It may not all sound well thought out, but I had to say something)
I don't know if any of you follow the TV show Private Practice, but tonight's episode really got to me. It touched me as a mother and as a child. I don't want to give it all away because it is so much more emotional when you don't know what is going to happen in the episode, but boy did it make me miss my parents and my sister and make me want to hold on to my daughter so tight and to never let her go.
For some reason I had this rush of emotions come over me and I was just bawling on the couch. I am glad that I was all by myself because I probably looked like a blubbering fool.
After the show, I went in to the office where Brett was studying and I told him that we HAVE TO move back to Washington. There was no option. He of course looked at me with streaks of mascara smeared down my cheeks and asked what was wrong. I told him about the show and he, being the loving husband that he is, assured me that in time we would be going back, but it may take a few years. Not the answer that I wanted, but I guess it will have to do. I don't really have a say in the matter...yet.
To my parents- I miss you both so much. You mean the world to me and I love you. I wish that we were able to be up there 100% of the time so you can watch Chloe grow up into the wonderful woman that she is going to become with your own eyes and not through the computer. I want to be there for you through everything. Know what Dr. appointments you are going to and if there was anything I could do to help. Trust me, when the first opportunity comes around, we will be there.
To my sister- I love you and miss you so much it hurts at times. (A lot to be exact) I wish that we lived closer to each other so our kids could grow up together and be the best of friends. I just wish that I could see you more often, to be able to hug you and to go out for lunch and movie dates while mom and dad watch our kids.
I wish that the world worked like this:
You grow up, meet the boy (or girl) next door, fall in love, get married, find a well paying job in the town you live in, the old couple that live in the same neighborhood that you and your spouse grew up in, moved out and you are able to move into their place just in time for you to bring your family into the world. Both sets of grandparents will be retired and will be able to play with the grand kids on a regular basis, cousins would be playing in the streets ( no cars of course ) and we would all be living happily ever after.
Oh how I wish. But reality is nothing close to that. We grow up, move away for various reasons, and every once in a while visit home. We do make the phone calls on a regular basis, but it never seems like it is enough.
To those who are able to see their family members whenever they choose to- enjoy it as much as you can, because one day you may not have this luxury and you will beat yourself up for not taking advantage of the time you could have spent with your family.
Sorry for this emotional post, but the show really got to me tonight.
To everyone who means anything to me- I love you and thank you for being in my life.
OK it is now 2:05 and I MUST go to bed. I have responsibilities.
to watch this episode, go to:
www.abc.com
click on free episodes
click on Private Practice
choose episode 12 "Homeward bound" from season 2
Grab some tissues and enjoy it!
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3 comments:
Dearest Krissy,
The wish you wrote about, so deeply from your heart, is the same wish your mom and I dream about at our famous Sister Lunches. We would love for all four of you -- you, Tracy, Amanda and Geoff -- to live with your families within driving distance (if not right across the street.) We want big, crazy family dinners and holidays with all the little cousins together, and the women trading secrets in the kitchen and the guys being guys in the living room. That's our dream. But we're also so grateful for the way all four of you stay connected to us, and give us the great gift of wanting us in your lives. You, Tracy, Amanda and Geoff are the hope and joy of our families, and your beautiful, brilliant children are our blessings. What you wrote is a lot more adult than maybe you think it is, because it's honest enough to express the pain we all feel at the miles between us. Brett's response to you was loving, kind and hopeful. It's so important that you can talk to each other honestly and know you're both going to be involved in making the big decisions for your family. I don't know if any of these aunt-ly thoughts help you at all, but they're the best I can do from here. What I really want to do is hug you, tell you I love you, and thank you for being such a gift of love and wisdom for us all.
Aunt Sydney
kristina thank you for such a heartfelt and meaningful blog. this brought tears to my eyes because its so nice to hear about such a strong sibling bond. my brother won't even speak to me at the current moment and it breaks my heart but i can't do anything about it. i wish i could have the same kind of friendship, or even half of the friendship that you and Tracy share.
Unfortunately the world isn't perfect. While some have their families close and choose to ignore them, others are far away and miss them terribly. Some people are rich but lonely, others are poor but loved. I think the key in life is to try to find some sort of happy medium and I think thats one of life's most difficult struggles, yet something that we always seek to achieve. I know its hard being away, just know that the payoff will be worth it and its only a short period of your long life. I think I've come to just look at things like that because of school and being broke and if its really worth it. It's all about sacrifice and success. Again, balance.
Anyways, your reaction to this show sounds similar to my reaction on the Benjamin Button movie. Just kinda makes you think about everything in life and whats important, etc. I was a wreck for the rest of the day after I watched it (its a great flick though). It's funny how shows and movies can affect you.
Kris I miss you lots and can't wait until you guys are back up here for good. Until then I'll just have to keep making trips down there to see you all...
Take care and love you!
I have to tell you, sis, that this distance is not easy for any of us. You know, I love you so much. AND! And I am so grateful for the relationship we have 1800 miles apart. The bond that we have grown over this past year and a half- on islands of our own but bonded in love and purpose for family- this has been one of my greatest treasures. Sometimes these trials seem tough, or fruitless, but I can say that my relationship with you now compared to the relationship we shared when I was working for target (or in college, or in high school) is, well, delightful. I think I have had to remember to treasure what is...right now. Right now I can call my sister and talk to her whenever I please (using unlimited minutes, even!) Right now I wake to see two smiling and sweet kids whose hearts I get to touch each day. Right now I am in a warm home, building memories. Right now, I get to see pictures of my sweet niece. Right now I get to read about your heart and your struggles in a way I so understand, because you are where I am. I love this. Of course, I would love other "perfect" situations as well...don't misunderstand. But I also know there is purpose here. Keep the joy of the present, sis =) Thanks for sharing, and I love you too!
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